Mastering a Relapse (1) - A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step
“Obstacles are not only to be expected but embraced. Embraced? Yes, because these obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph.” – Ryan Holiday
So, here’s a plot twist I didn’t see coming…. my multiple sclerosis (MS) decided to stage a comeback while visiting my family in Canada in September this year after 12 years of remission in the wilderness.
Yep, after writing a whole memoir (Never Let a Good Disaster Go to Waste) about overcoming betrayal in 12 hours and defying the odds by doing the impossible, life decided to remind me that no-one is disaster-proof. I’d just booked a plane ticket back to Australia to reunite with my partner and suddenly I was filled with doubt. Should I stay in Canada with my family and rely on the Canadian health care system? Or should I take the leap of faith, head back to Oz and hope I find a good neurologist in remote north Queensland? Where did I want to fight this battle? And on what terms? I spoke to Matt Embry (writer, actor & director of the Netflix doco LIving Proof) about this on his podcast “MS Hope” a few days later and it was an eye-opening discussion for both us.
In the end I took the leap of faith and stepped onto that plane. My journey of 18,300 miles had begun. And miracle of miracles, I found not just a good neurologist but an excellent one (who is also kinda cute), in of all places Townsville, north Queensland (but more about that in my next blog….)
Matt Embry and I at his studio in Calgary Canada
So here’s the thing about any setback, relapse or kick-in-the teeth that life randomly throws at you - sometimes you see them coming and can take action to avoid them and sometimes they smack you in the face from out of nowhere and floor you. In my case, it was the latter. In situations like this, there’s only two things you can do.
Build up your spiritual and mental muscles in the good times so that you are better able to cope with disaster and adversity in the bad times.
Trust in the process, take that first wobbly step and commit 100% to whatever has to be done, knowing it will all work out fine in the end.
The Power of the 12 Principles
That’s why my 12 Master of Disaster principles are so powerful (check them out HERE)—because the mental journey back to health is just as important, as the physical journey. After all, if you can’t stay the course, how will you will ever reach your end goal? I created my principles to provide powerful strategies for flipping any disaster into an opportunity and tranforming pain by giving it a purpose! And right now, I’m using every single one of them to battle my demons. I’m far from invincible; I have feelings, I feel pain, stress, and fear—trust me, I’m not an ice queen—but I’ve become really good at catching myself before I spiral into the ‘What If’ abyss and stumble into a great big well of depression.
Announcing to the world that I’d had a relapse after publicly declaring myself cured meant I had to eat a lot of humble pie. But it also provided me with a chance to prove I could once again overcome this obstacle. I saw it as another opportunity to grow and learn and put my principles to the test.
In all honesty, the fact that I’m 52 and not in a wheelchair as the doctors predicted I would be at 40 (in fact I’m running again after 26 years of MS) is a miracle I’m holding on to. It’s also something I am willing to fight for all over again (after all I’ve done this before).
So what do you do when life gives you lemons? You make lemoncello (so much better than lemonade!)
Here’s My Top 8 Tips for Creating a Setback Survival Kit
1. Eat like my life and mental sanity depends on it (and it does!) – In my case this means cutting out all processed foods, dairy, alcohol etc and pursuing a strict Best Bet (MS) Diet to reset my gut and my brain. Maybe it will be a different food combo for you. What’s important is to make the mental shift to cut out all the crap in your life and draw a line in the sand (old me vs new me). Hint…rather than focusing on what you can’t eat, focus on what you can. When I do this, I find my moods start to stabilise, I feel more in control, I have more energy and I feel better about myself. PS. Don’t stress if you trip up, we all do - think of it as a transitioning, a work in progress (we are all perfectly imperfect).
2.Visualise the future you desire – In order to keep my mind laser-focused on my outcomes, I never look back with regret, I don’t look sideways thinking about what could have been, instead I keep my eyeballs pointed squarely on the road ahead. This is not the time to dwell on the ‘What Ifs’ but instead on the ‘What Will Bes.’ So intentionally and resolutely set goals for yourself every day and take action to achieve them. It will help propel yourself forward along the right path.
3.Feel the fear and do it anyway – Catastrophe and calamity will always knock you down, but don’t let the fear of an uncertain future stop you from climbing out of that hole towards the light. Small decisions every day lead to big changes long term. I know that in my darkest hours lies my greatest opportunity for change and transformation - so I plan to look myself in the eye, strengthen my resolve and say, “Toughen up Buttercup!”.
4. Radical acceptance – Whenever I argue with reality, reality wins 100% of the time. So I am committed to radically accepting what’s happened and focused on changing how I respond right now, in the present, because I know this will directly affect my future happiness. It’s a great strategy for tackling any adversity in life. Always look for a better way to play the cards you have been dealt.
5. It’s my turn now – I remind myself everything is impermanent, nothing stays the same and no-one is immune to lifes ups and downs. It’s just my turn now. Which is a good thing! Why Because it allows me to practice empathy and compassion towards others. How else would I know what’s it like to feel the pain and suffering others like me are going through? How else would I understand the effect my anger, frustration and negative attitude is having on the people I love around me?
6. Take on an attitude of gratitude, especially for the little things – My goal is to wake up every day and mentally make a list of all the good things going on in my life (try it and see what a difference it makes). If you can’t find anything to be grateful for, look harder as Michael J Fox once said, because trust me they’re there. I find maintaing an attitude of gratitude is a game-changer in so many ways - it literally transforms the way I look at the world.
7. Dont Dwell on the Trauma Drama – Playing the victim, giving in to a story of woe, does nothing to empower me to fight my disease or my disasters. Pain/trauma is a given in life, but suffering is a choice and how long you choose to suffer depends entirely on you. Be like a lion in the savannah of your mind and pounce on any thought that doesn’t serve you, and counter it or flip it with something more positive.
8. Just Move It! – A slightly different take on the catchy cliche. Every single day you have a choice to become stronger or weaker, physically and mentally—there is no in-between. By committing to movement every day, in whatever form that takes, you will jump-start your metabolism, fire up your brain with dopamine and feel more alive and in control of your life. Im my case, I do an intense regime of yoga, gym work-outs, bike riding and walking. Movement prevents me from sitting around stewing in my own juice - it helps clear and clarify my brain.
Ultimately, the truth is, lfe never stops throwing curveballs at us—learn to smash them out of the park by focusing on what’s going right, practising gratitude, and staying in charge of that pesky monkey mind. I’m a great believer in karma and the concept of everything happening for a reason—and we can either grow and learn from our experiences or not. Think of your adversity, setback, relapse as your own personal puzzle piece ready to be placed into that giant jigsaw to allow you to see the bigger picture —it adds a sense of excitement to the process.
For me, if MS wants a rematch, I’m game—and this time, I’m stronger, smarter and wiser.
Stay tuned for my next blog on my journey to tackle my relapse (or check out my video blogs HERE )