Mastering Your Perception
🌪️This was the first picture taken as a series of disasters began to unfold at my sister Wendy’s wedding. It’s a classic lesson on how our perceptions create our reality.
Wendy let me be maid of honour at the wedding☺️ I wore my $2 second-hand shop dress (it may actually have been a shirt, but I’m short). My other two sisters, Caroline and Tracy were nobodys in the wedding party, but as you can see they actually look like somebodys.
And this is the funny thing. They unknowingly wore pretty much the same dress as each other.
😱What's even more interesting is this:
🥷When they saw each other Caroline said to Tracy. “You told me you were wearing a red dress!”.
Tracy replied, “This is red! 🔴You told me you were wearing an orange dress!’
To which Caroline replied “This is orange!🟠”.
The colour, the material, the designer were exactly the same. What was different was every person's perception of the colour and how fiercely they defended their belief as the truth (there was a similar argument that raged across social media for weeks in 2015 about the colour of a stripey dress see here https://www.wired.com/2015/02/science-one-agrees-color-dress/)
So remember the story of the dress debacle the next time you argue with someone.
Even though you may be right, the other person may not realise they are wrong😂 because they’re coming at the same problem from a different angle. Cultivate compassion for their ignorance (or perhaps yours). Extend some empathy and try to walk in their shoes or see through their eyes. Ask yourself, can I consciously shelve my judgement and contemplate the idea that mine is not the only perspective shining the light of truth on reality. Maybe dig deep and find some tolerance and compromise so you can find a way to resolution.
Dr Wayne Dyer said it best: 'If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.'
Science backs this up. Research shows our brain bends our perception of reality to meet our desires and expectations every moment of the day, whether or not we are consciously aware of it. Wow!
'It’s really important to understand we’re not seeing reality, we’re seeing a story that’s being created for us by our brain,' says neuroscientist Patrick Cavanagh, a research professor at Dartmouth College.
There’s a great article about this here https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_reasons_to_distrust_your_own_perceptions
So what to do? Here’s two powerful tools you can use to master your perception when dealing with a betrayal:
TRY to avoid holding your perceptions too tightly; they may be wrong.
In any relationship perceptions can vary, but if you both hang onto your perceptions too tightly, then eventually you drift so far apart that no common ground can be found. Be the courageous one and make the first move to find consensus and compromise. Alternatively, rethink the idea that the betrayal (or your betrayer) is all bad. Betrayals can be opportunities for growth and betrayers can be great teachers.
BE HUMBLE enough to recognise your biases.
Be aware of the many influences that affect your perception and perspective. It can keep you from making costly misjudgments or creating unnecessary conflicts with others who might see things differently. Ask yourself, are there biases distorting my perceptions? Why is my perception of my betrayer so different now as opposed to before they broke my trust? Am I so perfect and my betrayer so imperfect that I can take this moral high ground? Or can I apply humility, act with less hubris, and be more open to other points of view.
(*For more tools and a better understanding of perception sign up for my book How to Get Over Betrayal in 12 Hours)
How have you mastered your perceptions in life?
I’d love to hear your positive perception story🙏 Email me here